So It's Been A While.....

Since I posted. In all this time I finally think I'm starting to turn my life around. I'm trying my hardest to get out of the cycle of self destruction, and lower the amount of self manipulation needed to get me through the daily stuff. Christmas was ok. Having a funeral during Christmas break isn't the best thing for people, but sometimes it is done.
One good thing that came out of that though, is the bare tracings of solidification into what I want to do for a career. I think I want to go into counseling psychology. Maybe become an everyday councilor, maybe a grief councilor. we'll see.

Peace Be With You.

Rantings

Because I can't put this anywhere else. I think I'm going to use this place for rantings and whining as well as poetry. It works.

Subjugated

angel with your broken wings
dragging limply on the ground
whisper soft, ne'er a sound
grief pours tears in your eyes
sorrow pours them over

silence binds your gentle lips
master holds the muzzle thong
all the while you sing your song
but none can hear for who
no one can hear the words

tongue pierced, bleeding on steel
your master takes control
empty words, make others feel full
mix, drip with the blood
pushed out through sealed lips

stumbling forward, dragging
broken wings that refuse to heal
fear nips at your heel
tears your black silken feathers
drives you forward to oblivion

a breeze ripples your feathers
they don't see the steel glint in your eye
your wings remember how to fly
show them downtrodden does not mean defeat
they can no longer silence the scream

Hush Now

Now hush little baby, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright

It don't matter how much I have to help you, pretty baby
You're always full of fight

It's just the world sometimes, yea it's really hard
And it just likes to beat you down

When everything feels like it's over your head, fragile baby
When it feels like you're gonna drown

You lift your head right up, and put up your fist
And give the finger to the world

And I'll be standing right beside you, defiant baby
With my fingers into a fist curled

You should know by now, that the real truth is
That you will never be alone

You don't need to worry, little lady, because I promise
To always be your corner stone

So now, steady baby, don't feel so sad
I'll be here, it's not so bad

Cycle of Love

There is before;
With lonely hearts connecting,
Learning to soar.

There is during;
Two beings intertwined
filled with hope and yearning

There is after;
broken pieces of lives
scattered with bitter laughter

We had our before
It was grand
We had our during
It was passionate
We have out after

Or I do anyway

There is only so
Much I can take
You become your own bitter foe

The cycle of love goes on
The climbing and falling
The here and the gone

I'm in the after
Where are you?

Lost Boy

is how I feel a lot right now. Maybe i just have abandonment or loneliness issues. Is it normal to feel like all your friends are ignoring you? Maybe it's just me. It's a bad funk. Maybe i just need to get away from home, move somewhere else.

Another Shiny

Hey look over there
another pretty thing
another shiny thing
another distraction
something for me to see
something for me to do
something i shouldn't
because i need to focus
concentrate
pay atten....
ooo shiny
(damn it)
you would think this would
be easier then it seems
but you never know
unless you know
then you really know
and the worst thing about it?
when they think you're faking

Am I Still There?

Can you see me?
(This is weird)
Do you even know I'm here?
Do I register in your perception
Of reality?
Do you hear my hopes and dreams?
Do you acknowledge my fear?
Where am I?
I can't even figure out
What I am all about.
I'm screaming,
Can you hear me?
Apparently
I don't exist
except as the pity case
although no one says it
to my face.
I just don't register.
Can you see me?

The Prayer of the Night Patrol

Please don’t let me die tonight.
Please carry me throughout the fight.
Oh please just let me see
My loving, caring family
And friends, who live, back at home
While I for their freedom roam
And wait until we have to fight
And kill. Please let us be a light
To those less fortunate then us
And let us by our actions thus
Bring peace unto this country
Let its people be truly free.
Please let all my brothers live
And sisters too. And please give
Us courage enough to face these odds
We are given. Our commander nods
For us to go.
Wait there’s one more though.
Let us not give into hate
Amen.

Sorry to anyone

...who follows me, I haven't been putting a lot of stuff on here. Most of it goes to my deviant art account @ http://lexicon18.deviantart.com/. But I shall endeavor to devoutly post more of my poems and partial stories for both critiquing and enjoyment. I hope that this shalt be un mosht shukshessful endeavors.