My Thoughts Aren't Safe

I'm not safe
I'm alone with my thoughts again

They haunt my brain
Keeping me from sleeping again
They cause all sorts of pain
Without ever leaving a mark

I'm not safe
I'm all alone with my thoughts again
As they run rampant through my brain

There has never been so perfect a torture
As the one I create for myself
Day after day
Night after night

I'm not safe
I'm alone with my thoughts again

They tell me things
Show me my inadequacies
Reveal my hidden flaws
Turn my success into ash
Dispairage me in my own safe place
Wreaking havoc on my emotions
They tell me I'm worthless,
useless
I don't deserve existance

I'm not safe
I'm alone with my thoughts again
Please make them be quiet

Before I try myself
Bottle of pills; a gun to the head
They'll be quiet when I'm dead

Oh God, this mind you gave me
It seems a little faulty
I pray so hard, can't you see?
Why are you ignoring me?
Have You
Given up on me too?
Am I that useless?

I'm not safe
I'm alone with my thoughts again

Fear planted like seeds
Only noise saves me
Turn up the music
When my ear bleeds
Then it's loud enough
It blocks out all the silence

I'm not safe again

So It's Been A While.....

Since I posted. In all this time I finally think I'm starting to turn my life around. I'm trying my hardest to get out of the cycle of self destruction, and lower the amount of self manipulation needed to get me through the daily stuff. Christmas was ok. Having a funeral during Christmas break isn't the best thing for people, but sometimes it is done.
One good thing that came out of that though, is the bare tracings of solidification into what I want to do for a career. I think I want to go into counseling psychology. Maybe become an everyday councilor, maybe a grief councilor. we'll see.

Peace Be With You.

Rantings

Because I can't put this anywhere else. I think I'm going to use this place for rantings and whining as well as poetry. It works.

Subjugated

angel with your broken wings
dragging limply on the ground
whisper soft, ne'er a sound
grief pours tears in your eyes
sorrow pours them over

silence binds your gentle lips
master holds the muzzle thong
all the while you sing your song
but none can hear for who
no one can hear the words

tongue pierced, bleeding on steel
your master takes control
empty words, make others feel full
mix, drip with the blood
pushed out through sealed lips

stumbling forward, dragging
broken wings that refuse to heal
fear nips at your heel
tears your black silken feathers
drives you forward to oblivion

a breeze ripples your feathers
they don't see the steel glint in your eye
your wings remember how to fly
show them downtrodden does not mean defeat
they can no longer silence the scream

Hush Now

Now hush little baby, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright

It don't matter how much I have to help you, pretty baby
You're always full of fight

It's just the world sometimes, yea it's really hard
And it just likes to beat you down

When everything feels like it's over your head, fragile baby
When it feels like you're gonna drown

You lift your head right up, and put up your fist
And give the finger to the world

And I'll be standing right beside you, defiant baby
With my fingers into a fist curled

You should know by now, that the real truth is
That you will never be alone

You don't need to worry, little lady, because I promise
To always be your corner stone

So now, steady baby, don't feel so sad
I'll be here, it's not so bad